After placing her in my bed where she lay wrapped tightly in her fathers arms, my two year old woke up crying from a very unwanted night terror. I quietly tiptoed into her bedroom, careful to not wake her sleeping sister. I picked her up and carried her into my bed. I again sang to her, I snuggled her, I played with her hair, and I kissed her sweet cheeks until she closed her eyes and began to snore softly into my chest. I fell in love.
As I lay in my small queen sized bed full with my husband and two dreaming babies, I couldn't help but feel as though my night wasn't complete. Our four year old daughter lay alone, asleep across the hall in her bed. I again tiptoed into her bedroom and crawled onto her bunk bed. I pulled the blankets over the two of us and lay my head on her pink piggy pillow pet. And again, I sang to her, I snuggled her, I played with her hair, and I kissed her sweet cheeks. I fell in love. I brushed her thin blonde hair away from her precious face, and then... I cried. And cried. And cried again.
In the moment I tucked her hair behind her ear, I realized just how little she still is. Her hands are half the size of my palm and her nose still the size of a button.
Just like any other loving parent, since the day she was born I looked forward to watching her grow up. I couldn't wait for her to take her first step, for her to say her first word, and for her to use the big girl potty for the first time. In the anticipation for these firsts I have forgotten just how little she actually was. I often looked forward to the next milestone instead of enjoying and making memories of her newest discoveries.
When I was pregnant with our second little girl I remember my mother telling me, "Don't make her grow up too quickly because you are having another little baby. They all grow up too fast." Of course as the new mother I was, I shrugged off my mothers advice because I already knew it all. I mean come on, I read the entire What to Expect series from front to back about four times during my second pregnancy. Parenting two would be a piece of cake. And boy, was I wrong. Four and a half years later, I am just now realizing that my mother was correct more times than I had ever thought she'd be.
Most days I find myself telling my oldest "You are the big sister, it's your duty," or the famous, "You aren't a baby anymore. You are a big girl." I am sure other parents are guilty of one or more of these motivational phrases seeing as it usually gets our little ones to put on their big kid panties and get to work. But when I say these few sentences, just how much damage is it actually doing to not just her as a child, but me as her parent?
These simple phrases are helping me, and possibly other parents, forget just how little our children are. I have forced her to grow up quicker than she ever needed to, especially since her sisters have been born. She will only be my sweet, kind hearted, innocent, little girl for a short time and someday she will grow up and be my snobby teenager. Why am I rushing that?
I need to remember to forget the next milestone and snuggle my babies as babies, because before you know it they are off and walking, talking, and being big kids. Even though they will always be my babies, they won't always be babies.
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Two quotes I absolutely love because they stand hand in hand:
"Lost time is never found again."
"Do't waste your time looking back on what you've lost. Move on, for life is not meant to be traveled backwards."
Lost time is never regained, so remember to always live as if it was your last day and enjoy where you are in life. If there are days that you forget to slow down and enjoy, don't look back and grieve over the time you lost. Instead, look forward with a smile and remind yourself that you will try harder, do better, and love more.
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